BIG things happening in the Anders Home!

Not even sure where to begin....  If you make it through this post you deserve a prize!!!!

It has been a busy few weeks.  As many of you know, our daughter Makenzie has decided to get married.  We just started sending out invites and she is so excited. She started dating Justin her freshman year.  Then they went through a time period where they were best friends and dated other people, and decided after that they were meant for each other.  I married young, so not a lot I can argue with about that.

This past week they put an offer in on their first house and it was accepted.  I bet they drive past it two times a day.  I remember feeling that way too when Jeff and I picked our first house in Nebraska.  They close on March 20th and their wedding is March 22nd.  We are so proud of them.  Justin has saved and worked hard to make it possible for them to start out this way.  They had planned on getting married in October but it has been moved up.  Before I get more into that ( Be warned it will probably be a rant) I will update on a few more things.

I called to talk to Jakes radiologist last week who we ADORE!!!!  I did not call until after five on Friday and they told me he was already gone for the weekend which I expected.  So I was shocked when he called me back ten minutes later.  He received an email to call me on Monday and did not want us to wait all weekend.  He has a sick child and said he knows what it feels like to wait.  I knew I loved this doc the minute we met him!!!!!  There is something on the scan, but he thinks the tumor bed looks clean..PRAISE GOD!!!!!  They cannot guarantee this but he was pretty positive!  So it could all change in 8 weeks, but we can at least have a little more peace about it in the next 8 weeks.  I would like to be able to say I have so much faith that I will not spend a minute worrying about it...but I am not quite there in my walk yet.

On to me........  To be honest I hate to even post about us!  ANYTHING!!!!!!  I feel like people by now probably think here come those Anders.  Debbie Downers!    Do they ever have a time when something is not wrong with them?  You do not have to respond and say that its not how we look at you....I am not fishing for comments like that at all.  But since this is my blog I might as well be honest.  :)  That is how we feel.  I would love a time when we did not have to say we really need prayer...or this is the news we received....or Jeff's work shut down....or.........   I look at our lives and sometimes wonder if we will ever have a chance to pay it forward!  The funny part is we do not spend our days looking at how bad we have it. We sometimes forget until something comes up that reminds us.  Who would have ever thought I would adapt to running on batteries.  And here I am.  So tomorrow I am going to Methodist for a heart cath.  We have to figure out why I am retaining so much fluid.  I will let everyone know what we find out tomorrow when the happy drugs wear off.  They usually knock me out pretty good because I tend to talk even more when they half way sedate me.  Imagine that.  :)  The last heart cath I had in October, I remember the doctor saying give her more drugs. And as I was going to happy land I heard him say she would be a funny drunk.  :)

So back to Makenzie....And my rant....Our daughter might be one of the most God loving, contagious joy people that I know.  She is a servant like her Dad.  I could not be more proud of her.  I know I am beyond blessed to have the great teenagers that I do.  Well, she is technically an adult now.  I can honestly say that I like all of my kids.  If you have not had teenagers you might not know what a major statement that is.  We all love our kids, but I actually like mine.  So the big news...that many already know.....Last month we found out that Makenzie is pregnant.  We have had mixed reactions from all.  My first reaction was this baby is going to have to call me Aunt Amy because I am not old enough to be a grandma!  Jeff is old.....It can call him Grandpa.  I can say we have had friends surround us in ways I have never imagined.  That is not even a true statement.  I am always amazed because our friends CONTINUE to love and support us in ways we have never imagined!  Some other reactions have not been quite so kind.  Or at least not what we expected.

Starting with finding a church to get married in was a nightmare!!!  To be honest Makenzie would have liked to just get married in a big barn but those are impossible to find open and that do not cost and arm and a leg!  Most churches you cannot get married in the church if you are pregnant.  The churches we know and called require premarital counseling with the preacher.  Makenzie of course would not lie to a preacher and say she was not pregnant.  We did find a few who said they would welcome her to get married there with open arms.  The ones we found did not have a date available or quite frankly were just out of our price range.  At one point when we could not find a church, Makenzie asked me if I thought she would ever be accepted into the christian community again.  I told her if she was not then we are in the wrong one!

We finally gave up on a church.  I do not want to get into an argument about doctrine with anyone.  I know there are scriptures and reasons behind everything, but the last few weeks I have had a lot of questions.  People tend to judge a little harder when your sin is on the "outside."  It would be interesting if each Sunday we walked into church and had to stop at a table to pick up a sign and write our sins on it to wear for the day.  Would we treat each other differently?  Would we judge less?  If I am honest with myself ,we would probably need to write the word Liar on our signs because we would not write our true large sins in fear of being judged.  How would our churches look if we loved people once they were on the inside.  We work so hard to bring them in, but then do we love them once they are there and mess up?  We preach being the hands and feet to the world.  We need more footprints being left behind from  loving our brother and sisters in Christ inside the buildings.  And we wonder why people are not in our churches?  They may feel safer in the world. If I am stepping on any toes I am sorry, but most of the time when I write I am also stepping on my own! We had a preacher from a church we called on the North side tell us he would marry her outside of the building but not in it.  I had to laugh. I guess to my eyes I wonder if God is everywhere, and will bless a marriage outside of the church, why would it matter if they are inside the church.  Like I posted before, I am not up for any debate on the whys of this.  I am frankly too tired.  I just kept thinking of what an opportunity to reach the unchurched.  When they call and say can I get married in your church and we said yes because we love you and so does Jesus!  We want to know how to get people in our buildings...open your arms and love the ones we are guilty of labeling unworthy! I kept thinking how thankful I am that Makenzie had a foundation so strong of knowing God loves her that she did not let this shake her faith. Makenzie  herself decided to be removed from leading her small group of teen girls.  We knew before hand she needed to do this.  She felt like she had not led by example, so it was best for her to do that.  She was blessed this last year to serve with the group Leader she had.  So she does not regret one minute she was able to spend helping in that small group.

These are some of my favorite responses from the news!
The texts have been the best.  Here are a few.
We are so sad to hear this sad news.
She has so many talents and it is so sad God will not be able to use her now the way he had planned.
We never thought in a million years Makenzie would do this.
Maybe this happened because you have been so sick and she was acting out.  ( on a side not I laughed out loud at that one)
I think the one that put me over the edge was the "no" rsvp to the wedding because of her circumstance they could not be a witness to it.
And Jeff and I had the advice given to us that we should no longer have any of our youth bible studies or lead anything because our own house with our kids is not in order.  I hate to disappoint this person, because our house is full of kids and I do not think they are going anywhere.

NOW..... I need to stop here with the responses Before my friends who hate church and everything about it get all excited and think I have finally seen the light .  :)   Nothing could be further from the truth!  For every bad comment we have received, there have been ten people there loving her and picking her up.   The church is FULL of people who will love you and cheer you on even in your sin.  I have the real friends in our life who would love me even if I had that sign around my neck and my true sins listed.  They know most of them.  The scary part would be if I let them fill out my sin sign for me!  :)  That would actually be quite funny! As soon as I told a few ,people went into action.  Makenzie was going to get married in October but did not want to start off that way.  One friend bought her a baby sleeper, sent her baby books with names, and nice notes.  They surrounded her and loved her like Jesus would and DOES! They were excited because any baby is a miracle! So many have stepped up to help with this wedding that I just kind of feel like I am the traffic director.  There are no words for the love we feel.  This is what the true hands and feet of Christ REALLY look like!  If you are not experiencing that, find a new church or call me and we will send you to a Great banquet event.  I guess my entire point is ,if you have hypocrites judging you move on.  Or just ignore them.  They are everywhere. There are true people who want to love you!  I saw a post today that said; Not going to church because of hypocrites is like not going to a gym because of out of shape people.  Do not let the few bad apples ruin it for all of us out there who love you regardless of your visible or hidden sin. We certainly are not going to let that happen to us!

We never did find a church.  Our friend who lives in a manufactured housing community, that has a very nice clubhouse, was kind enough to rent it for us. We are doing the wedding and reception all in one place.  We are going to eat and dance and have a great time.  I told Makenzie that it is going to be so great all of the girls will want to be like her getting married in the trailer park.  :) So many RSVP's have come in that we are seriously not even sure we can still fit in the building!  We have to call today to see what the capacity of the building is, and if we cannot fit PRAY we can find a new location in less than three weeks!  That is a great problem to have!!!!! To know our daughter is so loved speaks volumes for what an amazing person she is.  I cannot wait to see how God is going to use her to shine and attract people to him!

I have to admit my favorite response was that God knew we needed another miracle this year and sent it in form of a baby.

Now to the best part of this entire post!  We got to go to an ultrasound last week and see this Miracle of God.  So if you have made it this far, here is Aunt Amy's baby waving hello!

Health Updates

Well....as many of you know, today was the day that Jake went back to Riley Hospital to have his MRI to see how treatments have worked.  If you have followed him at all you know that he wore a different funny t-shirt for all 8 weeks of treatment, and for his follow up appointments.  He did not disappoint today. He had Doctors and kids giggling all through the hospital.  You can see why!  He is a comedian!

We started the day out with the MRI.  It was pushed back a few hours because they had an emergency patient.  We were fine with that and just thankful that we were not that emergency.  We were the emergency in July and remember how it felt to be those parents.  After the MRI we went to see his oncologist. He checked Jake out and then told us he did not want us to be alarmed but they did see something on his scan.  In November it had been a clean scan.  He explained it as an area that shows up bright in the field where he had radiation.  It does not show up as the same color his tumor was.  Sometimes you can get something called radiation change. It is where matter in the brain was actually burned and dies off.  This type of area can get larger or stay the same.  He can not 100% promise us that it is not the tumor starting to grow back, but felt confident it could be the radiation.  He said it is rare to see this kind of radiation change to show up bright so early, but it is also very rare to see a tumor grow back so fast with the type of aggressive treatment that Jake had.  We have to watch it closely and will go back in 8 weeks for another MRI to check this area.  If it is a tumor recurring they would get him right back into brain surgery for his best chance of longer survival.  That is honestly  a road we are not even looking down yet.  God has carried us through so many things and we have experienced so many miracles.  It is a miracle Jake is walking and talking. After surgery we did not know if we would ever have our normal Jake back.  We have also seen small things since brain surgery.  He writes sentences and 90% of the time forgets to put capitals at the beginning. He has had to learn to type and really work on his writing.   He also had to learn how to tie his shoes again.  On the other hand ,his math scores have gone through the roof compared to where he was before surgery.  So , after all of the news today, we are just trusting and praying that it is from radiation and going to enjoy every day of the next 8 weeks.  Some days fear starts to creep in and I know that we cannot let circumstances steal our joy.  Even when we get knocked down we have to get back up, put our focus on trusting in God and move forward.  After all, we know who wins in the end.  It is not Satan and it is not cancer!

He received a certificate and medal today for making it through cancer treatments.  I looked at every kid in that clinic and they are the champions.  

We have a friend who made a post the other day.  Her son is also going through treatments.  It said "Some people never meet their hero.  I gave birth to mine."  I THANK GOD for choosing me to be Jake's Mom.  I have no idea how I was ever so blessed.  I have spent many days wishing that I could take this all away from him.  Then we have days like today when he spreads cheer everywhere he goes!  He is a true testament to God and what it looks like to have joy in your life. He is our hero!!!!

So we still need the prayers to keep coming!  God knows the outcome of all of our lives and we have to put our trust in him.  We will not let fear win!  Since many have asked, I will do a little update on myself.  I am retaining fluid and need another heart cath on March 3rd.  I may have to spend a couple of days in the hospital to get the fluid off and possibly be on a drip to get the right side of my heart pumping properly.  All of this will get me better prepared for transplant. Some days I start to get discouraged that I am not on the list yet, and then I look back at the year we just had.  God lined it all up perfectly!  Even things that seemed to be the most horrible things ever, he has used his hand to make them for good and put it all in his timing.  Amazing how he works that way.  I had a friend tell me she knows it is hard some days because we would like to be able to see Gods GPS.  I had to giggle.  I not only want to see the GPS, I want to be the fun voice on it telling him what direction I think he needs to turn.  :)

I will update this week on Jake's wish. Looking ahead we know this is going to be a year filled with miracles and blessings.  When people say everyday is a gift they are not kidding!  Thank you all for praying today and every day!  We love each of you!

Snowed in for TOO LONG!!!!!!

If you are like me, you might be going crazy by now being stuck in the house!!!!  My kids feel the same.  When they groan when it is announced that school in called off again we have a problem. It looks like we will have one more day at home, but we will survive.

I have had a lot of time with the kids and their friends the last few weeks.  In fact they have all gathered here for the last few days.  I love listening to the things they talk about.  We are pretty open around here, and I think most of the kids feel comfortable if they have been here more than once, so we usually hear a lot.  I love every minute of it!  I also have noticed how different they all are.  Many are starting to think about school and what they want to be.  They are most in their junior and senior years.  I myself have been thinking quite a bit about where my kids are going in life.  I am 39 and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up,

My view on my kids life and careers have always been a little different.  Above all I want my kids to have God as their center, someone to love and build a life with, and a career they love to support themselves.  We also pray that our kids will learn from mistakes they have either seen us make or we have told them about.  I know they will make many of their own.  That is just part of growing up.  I wish so much more for them.  I am not talking about material things.

I was talking with a woman last week and she made a comment. I had told her how Colton has found his niche at the tool school at Ben Davis.  He cannot wait to get up and go each day.  In fact he was the only one who has 100% in the class.  If you know Colton that is major!  He is the kid that I have always said will get by on charm.  He is smart.  Do not get me wrong.  But if he does not love it he does not always apply himself.  I went on to tell her how he is thinking on going to Vincennes because when he leaves the BD program he will already have college credit there and in about a year and a half could start his career.  She went on to tell me how she wanted more than that for her child.  Why would we encourage him to go to a lower grade college.  At first I thought who do you think you are, and then I actually laughed. I do not really "know" this woman.  If we were friends I would have had an opinion.  Any of my real friends can tell you that.  Several of my friends and I do not share the same view on things, We agree to disagree and we are ok with that.  It made me think of the impression we give our kids of what makes them successful.

I find myself worrying about what their ACT scores are or what they will be.  How they will make it the world how it is now.  And then we have a week like this.  All of our kids are different.  None of them are perfect.   They make mistakes, just as we have made many as parents.  I never say never.  This week Colton on Sunday volunteered to go around and shovel snow for anyone who needed help.  In fact a ton of the kids here were out doing it.  Yesterday we drove to a few people who needed help and could not get out.  Last night we were driving home from his shoveling and we stopped to warm up Jeff's truck.  We were by there and Colton had the keys so thought he would get it cleared off for his Dad.   On the way home a car in front of us got a flat.  Colton stopped in front of him, Jeff behind him and figured out how to pull the man to a parking lot.  I have a friend from high school who needed a ride to radiation today.  I could not go.  Colton has never met her and said I will take her.  So he has been gone all day and said he would be late because he was helping her clear off her driveway and car.  I am not saying this to brag on Colton.  I am saying this because we put so much emphasis and pressure on what school our kids might attend and what career they will pick for themselves.  I look at him, and so many of his other friends who have good hearts.  They choose to help others.  At the age of 17 and 18 they are already better men than many will ever be no matter the career they pick.  In my eyes he is already a success!

I am not saying that I am not going to encourage my kids to dream big and be all they can be.  I am saying I am not going to feel like I failed as a parent if they choose a path that might not be the one that looks successful to the world.  It does not matter what their test scores are, or what honors they receive, if we do not teach them to be good people.

We have been lucky to have pretty good kids.  We cannot take all of the credit for that.  We have many friends who are good parents and their kids have gone down very bad paths.  There is still hope. I read an article about a professor who held up and $20 bill and asked if anyone wanted it.  They all raised their hands.  Through the story he crumples it, stomps on it, throws it in the dirt and each person in the class still wants it. That bill did not lose its value based on the dirt it has been through.  It is the same with each of our kids.  We all make bad choices.  That child still has value and you are still a good parent by loving them and standing by them.

God has a plan for each one of us.  If we all picked the same path it would be a pretty boring world that we live in.

Soapbox Wednesday…….  I do not think I have had a soapbox Wednesday, so here we go.   Grab your beverage and settle in!  I am sure I can find a few things to poke fun at myself about.

A few weeks ago Jeff drove the semi to a competition for the marching band in Muncie.  Jake loves to go to these events.  So he tagged along.  They had to be to school at 5 in the morning and would not be home until after midnight.  So it was a long and very rainy day!  At 5:20 I get a call that Jeff forgot his cell phone.  At this point Jake was still in treatment and wore down pretty easy, so I went into a bit of a panic about being out of touch with them for that amount of time.  When the teen called me for Jeff I ran out the front door because they were just leaving the high school.  I had to run back in because I forgot my batteries and had to cover up.  Then I decided I better put contacts in because I am as blind as a bat.  I was in a hurry so just put in my right one.  I guess I decided it was ok if I could see one half of Rockville Road clearly.  After all I was only going a few miles to catch him.  The kids on the busses were calling me with their location.  I was always just a little bit behind.  Can you guess where I finally caught up with them?  At the Muncie exit!  Yes it was an hour and a half trip.  As soon as I caught him my panic went away.  He had a cell phone.  I could check on Jake.  All was well with the world, even if I was driving home in pouring down rain with the ability to see out of just one eye.  I would like to think that I panicked because I was worried about Jake wearing out of energy.  If I am honest it was probably more than that. 

We are in a world that we are connected all of the time!  I think modern technology is amazing!!!  I also feel like it often controls our lives.  I am not the savviest person when it comes to technology.  A few years ago I joined facebook.  I took a picture of myself and wanted to send it to my friend Angela.  So I took one of the photos that you see the kids do in the mirrors of their selves.  My message read “does it look like I had a rough night?”    I giggled as I sent it knowing I would get a pretty fast and humorous response.  I was brushing my teeth and heard my notifications on my phone start going crazy.  I had messages saying “Thanks for being real.” “You just made my morning.”  Guess what?  They were not from my friend Angela.  I had posted the picture to facebook!  Let me explain why this is such a big deal.  I was in a spotted leopard print gown that no one of my size should probably ever be caught wearing.  My hair looked like I had been charming snakes, and not everything hangs where it should in my older age.  I went flying down the stairs yelling at Makenzie “GTE IT OFF!  GET IT OFF!”  After she laughed because she did not know that I could still run, she removed the post for me.  I still have not lived that one down.  So that day I learned by a click of my finger I could post something to the entire world.  This time it was funny ( I did not think so then) …but I do not always think that is the case. 

What else has technology taught me?  I downloaded an app and know that I am not smarter than a 5^th grader.  I also learned that Web MD is not my friend.  That will be a story for another day.  I have been able to connect with friends I would have never seen again.    I am in love with twitter.  That is where I follow a lot of the Christian people that I admire and get a lot of inspiration to make it through the day.  So it has its up sides.  Let me share though from my experience of what I catch myself doing.  I have times that I will be at a stoplight and grab my phone and check for messages.  I might scroll through facebook.  What could possibly happen in that amount of time that I put my phone down? 

 The best one that I have been guilty of is making a post that I am out to a nice dinner with just my hubby.  Really?  If it is so nice and I am supposed to be spending time with him why am I posting on my phone?  I should be letting him know how happy I am to be spending time with just him.  Does the world really care if we are out to dinner together? 

Jake and I did a little experiment.  In one week we were flipped off three times while driving back and forth to treatment.  One time was completely my fault.  I was waving sorry as the person was driving by calling me every name in the book. Have you ever had someone behind you honk at a stoplight because you did not go before you even had a chance to put your foot on the accelerator? I think people are always on the edge and act like this because most of us do not really have any down time.  We are go..go…go…  We read what is going on in the world…and then go some more.  We are irritated and hateful and not kind to those around us, but will post what a great day we have had.  One day on the way home from Bloomington we counted in all of the cars that we passed, or that passed us, how many were on their phones or some type of device.  19 out of 30 were talking on their phone, reading their phones, or had it in their hands.  They were probably holding it to act like me at that next stoplight.  Stopping to check what I have missed in the last 10 minutes. 

I remember setting through a marriage class and it talked about the most damaging thing you could do in a marriage was have a TV in your bedroom.  It would keep you from spending time with each other or you would go to sleep watching a show.  I know we have been lying in bed both looking at our phones right before we go to sleep.  We are so busy reading the news, or filling our minds with more info that we don’t stop to talk about what is going on in our own life.  So I think that material needs to be updated to not bringing your telephone to bed with you. I am guilty of waking up in the morning and grabbing the phone before I even thank God for waking me up another day.  I do not know about you, but once I start reading I do not stop and I am caught up in the day.  I wonder if we ever really stop to live in the moment. 

I have had times when I have not answered so people would call my kids to see why I am not answering.  And then when they get me will say you were not answering your phone. I have done the same to my family.  I think we should all have a day where we mark our families unavailable. 

Technology is inevitable. I think it is amazing and zaps the life out of us at the same time.  If you have made it this far you are probably thinking how did I get sucked into this. Talk about a time zapper. I will never get those ten minutes of my life back.  J  I am working on being in the moment when it matters.  I read a devotional by Max Lucado today that said our days are already numbered by God.  It is so true.  What are we in such a rush to get to?  We will all cross the finish line when God appoints that time. 

You may be wondering, since I have really thought about this and am trying to work on it, would I do the same thing and chase Jeff down to Muncie with his cell phone.  Where are my car keys?  J  What can I say?  I am a work in progress!

Jake's Wish....  I wanted to give all of you an update on Jake's Make-A-Wish.  As many of you know, at the beginning of this cancer journey, we were told that Jake would qualify for a wish.  Even though we are grateful for such an amazing organization, these are not words that you ever want to hear.  The only words we wanted to hear is that your child is healed and healthy.  From day one he knew what he wanted to do.  Funny how God works and things change.  When he was first told about the possibility of a wish his automatic response was to go and spend a day with Karen Kingsbury, Kyle Kupecky and to hang out with Anthem Lights in Nashville.  In May of 2012 we attended a Karen Kingsbury family night where she spoke and Anthem Lights ( at this point Kyle Kupecky was still a band member) performed.  It changed his life.  He accepted Christ as his Savior.  So to him, hanging out with them is a wish come true.  Once he found out that he and Kyle have the same birthday there was no turning back.  This year Kyle sent out a message on twitter for his followers to send Jake a Happy 12th Birthday message.  Messages literally started pouring in from around the world.  That day Kyle went from being someone Jake would like to spend time with to Kyle being his long distance friend.  He often gets on my twitter while he is bored during chemo  just to send Kyle the same message that always says "hi from your friend jake."  I contacted Karen to tell her about Jake's wish.  Her response was that they would do anything to help make it come true.  That is just the type of amazing people they are.  Well, the time came last month to fill out our make a wish paperwork for the process.  We had attended our nephews baseball games at League of Miracles in Mooresville Indiana.  They are 14 year old twins boys with autism.  Attending one of these games would fill any ones heart to overflowing.  There are kids of all ages with disabilities.  Everyone gets a turn to bat and no one gets out.  Many of the kids are pushed around the bases by a helper in their wheelchairs.  We all cheer for each one.  One boy yells touch down as he comes across home plate ( keep in mind this is baseball) as he throws down his batting helmet and does his victory dance.  Another young man colors a picture of some type of animal each week and tapes it to himself.  One week he was a T-Rex.  Last week he was a penguin and had even made little feet for his shoes.  When I look at these kids I do not see a disability.  I look at them and see how God has crafted us all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Last month there was an announcement made of how much they had raised to build a rec center.  In this center will be bathrooms and basketball courts that the kids can play sports in all year round.  Jake asked Jeff how much that would cost so they looked it up in the website.  It was not discussed again.  Fast forward to make a wish calling us as part of the process.  We are just in the beginning paperwork stages.  The kids have choices.  To go somewhere, to receive something and one is to give.  Jake surprised us all by saying he wanted to give.  He wants his wish to be giving the kids at League of Miracles a rec center.  When asked why, he said " my disabilities can go away but these kids will have theirs all of their lives." So there we are.  I knew he was amazing but had no idea just how amazing! The kid smiles and jokes through treatments every day!  So our adventure begins.  Whether we can raise all of the funds through make a wish, or have to take additional avenues, we will make his wish come true.  When I think of his unselfishness, it reminds me of how Jesus wants us to be.  Jake could have anything.  He chose to give like Jesus would.  In the uncertainty of this world I think that these are the types of things that make God smile. He will get to see Karen Kingsbury, as we will be traveling to  her book signing in November.  Gods perfect timing as always.  In November I should be at 1A status on the heart transplant list and will be landlocked to Indiana in case I get the call.  I am including the link to a song that keeps coming to my mind.  It is called Thank you for giving to The Lord.  Many of the kids Jake wants to build this center for have mental disabilities and will never know anything more than they get to play basketball in the winter.  One will probably yell touchdown with every basket he makes when the courts are built.  I do know that one of these days Jake will get to hear just how proud God is of him for giving.  Stay tuned for updates.   

If you have all stayed with me this long, please take a few minutes to watch this video.  I am so thankful to so many who have gave.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrdJ2V3r7Y

Soapbox Tuesday…….  As many of you have figured out, I have had a lot of time on my hands to “think.”  A few weeks ago I posted a picture of Jake and I.  Someone commented this is what love looks like.  That phrase has stuck in my head.  I do love Jake more than words can even possibly express.  We have been so blessed in our life to have love surround us each day.  For me I hear love in the laughter of our kids.  If you have not met our kids they are all hysterical.  God has blessed them with a sense of humor.  I am often the main focus of their jokes.  They are who they are because of all of the love from others that have poured in on them.  This coming Friday Jeff and I have been married for 19 years.  We laugh a lot.  Let me share with you a few stories.  Some are serious and some are silly.    On the serious side, Jeff has been there to hold my hand through everything!    He was there holding up our kids this past April when they were brought in to see me before I was put on a ventilator to try to keep me alive until I could get my heart pump.  He was there after surgery when there were bed pans and endless requests for help from me.  He never once complained, or at least not where I could hear him.  That’s what a smart man looks like!  But I will save that post for another day!  Let me move on before you get the impression that everything is always cheery and happy in our world.  When I woke up from surgery I was crazy for about a week.  I did and said some nutty things.  There are unfortunately witnesses to prove it.  I called Jeff and my Mom one night at 4 in the morning to see why they had put me into an insane asylum.  I was still on a ventilator and restrained because I was trying to pull it out. The vent was such a traumatic event in my life that I refer to this time like BC ( before Christ ) and AD ( after death).  Mine are BV (before vent) and AV (after vent.)  We will call this story DV ( during vent.)  I finally got through to Jeff and Charleen that I wanted a piece of paper.  I was going to write my message.  The first thing I did was sign my name.  Amy J. Anders.  I even had the period behind the J.  I guess I thought I might be famous one day and they would need my autograph.  In my mind what I was writing looked so clear.  After I felt well again they showed me the sheets.  It is a good thing that God knows my mind and my heart because even he himself could not have deciphered what those papers said!  I was having such a hard time that Jeff untied one of my hands without the nurse knowing so I could write better.  I was so mad that he could not understand my perfect writing that I slugged him.  He laughed and then cried as I wrote am I dying.  That’s all I wanted to know.  Even after I hit him ( I am sure I did not have enough strength for it to hurt ) he left my hands untied.  That is what love looks like.  He also knew he would have to live with me for many years to come and that was the wise thing to do.  He is 11 years older than I am so I might be picking his nursing home one day!  But bear with me.  After one of my many surgeries I was yelling to Jeff about something.  I am sure that it was in my naturally sweet voice.  He came to the door and said something that made me mad.  So I just tried to push around him.  He was not being mean, he was just in my way.  He said something and I turned around and slung my cup of lemonade at him.  Yes my cup hit the target.  I can still see what happened next in slow motion.  He had a button up shirt on and started pulling to take it off and the buttons started popping off.  Instead of Incredible Hulk I was standing with Incredible Jeff.  I swear that he even made a large roaring sound like a bear.  He swears he did not, but since this story is still alive in my head we are going with my roaring version.  As his buttons were popping I started laughing so hard that I fell onto the bed.  He did the same.  That is what love looks like.  Love loves someone even when they are being ugly.  And I spend more days than I should being ugly.  I was thinking back to some examples of love.  I thought of when Jeff served on a banquet team and was asked to be the head of kitchen.  He wanted his friend Jack Robbins to be on the team with him.  Jack was fighting a battle with cancer.  They made an extra spot so Jack could participate.  Jack did not have the energy to do much of the kitchen work.  I will tell you what Jack did do.  It is a memory forever etched in my mind.  Jack set at the table and polished every piece of the silverware that the guest would be eating with until it shined and wrapped them up nicely folded in a napkin.  He did this for every meal for three days.  The guests had no idea of what love and work went into those shiny pieces of silverware.  But God did!  Jack was a living example of what love looks like!  When he walked into the gates of heaven a few years ago I could see Jesus saying thanks so much for polishing that silverware.  Now you get to walk to your mansion on shiny streets of gold.  My examples of what love looks like are as major as Jesus dying on a cross for me all of the way down to someone paying for my order in front of me in line.  This world is filled with negative news and stories.  You might be the only person that God can use in a situation to show another person love.  I would love to hear about a person or action that you have experienced in your life to show you what love really looks like.  I am thankful to all of those who love us and give us the inspiration that we need to keep going forward in this storm that we are in.  I am most thankful for God and those that put up with me on my ugly days because that truly is WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE! 

WARNING……… This is going to be one of those long Amy is on her soapbox post.  So grab a cup of coffee and set for a while if you are so inclined to continue reading.  I have spent most of the night wide awake thinking of a young man that is fighting a horrible battle with cancer.  Reading his caring bridge made my heart hurt.  And we all know this is one large (literally) heart.  This year I have spent a lot of time examining myself and the things that are important to me.  It is amazing how things change.  I used to dream of the home we would have with our white picket fence, my kids who I would tuck in each night, the wonderful meals that I would have cooked when everyone set down at the table for dinner.  As I have grown older I realize that white picket fence is a lot of work and has to be painted.  Many nights instead of tucking someone in to bed we are yelling “I have told you ten times to get to sleep.  You are going to be so hard to get up in the morning!"  And who was I kidding about the meals.  I hate to cook!  Don’t get me wrong.  We have this God blessed amazing life.  It is just not the one that I pictured!  There are bills, and problems, and sickness and the list go on.  I have had way too many hours in the car these last few weeks.  So I have probably read every facebook post or blog ever typed.  I see so many things daily that make me sad.  We were able to listen to Robin Gunn speak last night.  She is an amazing Christian author.  She spoke about daring to dream.  From so many things I read we forget to live the life God made us for.  If you hate your job and cannot stand to get up every day find a new one.  I know that is often times easier said than done.  If you are having problems with every single person in your life you might need to pull out a mirror.  I do not mean that cruel.  I have had to do this many times over the years!  I often found that if I was having so many problems the problem was me.  I was the common denominator.  If your kids drive you crazy put them up for adoption.  KIDDING!  If your husband drives you crazy…… well, I have not found an answer for that one.  J  I told Jeff just this week he was lucky I loved him so much because I sure did not like him very much that day.  That is a day that he was probably wishing I would trip off of this soap box of mine and break my neck.  Or at the least lose a battery powering this heart.   That is a day I should have looked in the mirror because I was probably the common denominator.  I guess my point is (yes I actually had one in mind when I started this) is to live the life you dream.  That dream may change through the years or take a shape that you never imagined.  If you are miserable, and it is in your power, fix it.  I hope that anyone reading this never has to go through some of the things our friends are going through.  The sad part is it is going to happen.  Maybe your child will not get cancer, or you will not lose a job, or you will not lose a spouse unexpectedly.  But we all will face our trials no matter how big or small.  I think we will look back and think those little things I complained about all of the time were such a waste!  I can tell you our days are numbered.  I have had many moments that I thought I was on that very last day.  Last week at church Jake started gagging on the communion bread (with chemo a lot of things makes him sick.) I asked him what was wrong and he Said “Jesus body is stale.”  Yes it was funny, but the more I have thought about that the more I realize how true it is.  Do we let Jesus or the things we love become stale in our life?

Let me tell you a little story.  Most of you already know that I have a machine to keep my heart pumping until I can get a transplant.  I no longer have a pulse.  Literally, I do not have a pulse.  My machine pushes a constant flow of blood through my body. I have thought often of how fun it would be to go to emergency rooms and freak a lot of the nurses out when they took my vitals.  With my battery packs people already look at me like I am a bomber. I received an email a few weeks ago from a dear friend telling me she knew God had an amazing purpose for me.  She has been trying for a few years to get me to write funny stories.  At the end of her nice message was a post that said if you still have a pulse God has given you a purpose.  I laughed out loud!  I guess that means I was off of the hook.  At night I am hooked up to an electrical cord and during the day I walk around with batteries. We were ready to leave the other day and I was all ready to go.  Started walking out and was tugged back so hard.  No it was not a supernatural force jerking me back.   It was my electrical cord I was still hooked up to! I move pretty fast so it almost knocked me down.  Jeff laughed so hard that he doubled over and cried.  After I recovered from the whiplash, I started thinking what do I plug in to?  What brings me joy? At Bible study this week we were challenged to do something for someone else.  My husband Jeff is an amazing example of this.  He gives and gives.  I need to learn more from that example.  I am usually the one volunteering him to do the giving.  J  God has blessed him with that gift.  What gift has God blessed you with?  Maybe the best gift we can start with is pulling out our mirrors.  What problem in my life am I the common denominator in?  I have so many friends putting their dreams into actions for others.  My friend Maggie Pinque started what is called the glass house retreat.  She has women in to a place where they feel safe no matter where they are or what their beliefs are in their walk of life.  We all know I love to stamp.  My friend Ronda Wade started a project hope ministry that sends cards and prayers all over to people that need them.  Jake and I have been a recipient of many of these.  What is it that makes you want to get up in the morning?  Think about that today.  I had a friend who made a goal to not post one INSIGNIFICANT negative thing on any media outlet for a week.  I am not talking about big, life changing events.  I am talking about our daily complaining.  She also went as far as to not utter a negative comment out of her mouth.  She said when she did this she realized how many negative things she said to her children and husband.  I know that I can be guilty of this myself. I want to spend the days I have enjoying every minute.  I need to get out that mirror and see what I can do to add joy to those days.  Not just for myself, but also to others.   Well…….  I am stepping off of my soap box before anyone can run over and trip me off of it.  J