WARNING……… This is going to be one of those long Amy is on her soapbox post.  So grab a cup of coffee and set for a while if you are so inclined to continue reading.  I have spent most of the night wide awake thinking of a young man that is fighting a horrible battle with cancer.  Reading his caring bridge made my heart hurt.  And we all know this is one large (literally) heart.  This year I have spent a lot of time examining myself and the things that are important to me.  It is amazing how things change.  I used to dream of the home we would have with our white picket fence, my kids who I would tuck in each night, the wonderful meals that I would have cooked when everyone set down at the table for dinner.  As I have grown older I realize that white picket fence is a lot of work and has to be painted.  Many nights instead of tucking someone in to bed we are yelling “I have told you ten times to get to sleep.  You are going to be so hard to get up in the morning!"  And who was I kidding about the meals.  I hate to cook!  Don’t get me wrong.  We have this God blessed amazing life.  It is just not the one that I pictured!  There are bills, and problems, and sickness and the list go on.  I have had way too many hours in the car these last few weeks.  So I have probably read every facebook post or blog ever typed.  I see so many things daily that make me sad.  We were able to listen to Robin Gunn speak last night.  She is an amazing Christian author.  She spoke about daring to dream.  From so many things I read we forget to live the life God made us for.  If you hate your job and cannot stand to get up every day find a new one.  I know that is often times easier said than done.  If you are having problems with every single person in your life you might need to pull out a mirror.  I do not mean that cruel.  I have had to do this many times over the years!  I often found that if I was having so many problems the problem was me.  I was the common denominator.  If your kids drive you crazy put them up for adoption.  KIDDING!  If your husband drives you crazy…… well, I have not found an answer for that one.  J  I told Jeff just this week he was lucky I loved him so much because I sure did not like him very much that day.  That is a day that he was probably wishing I would trip off of this soap box of mine and break my neck.  Or at the least lose a battery powering this heart.   That is a day I should have looked in the mirror because I was probably the common denominator.  I guess my point is (yes I actually had one in mind when I started this) is to live the life you dream.  That dream may change through the years or take a shape that you never imagined.  If you are miserable, and it is in your power, fix it.  I hope that anyone reading this never has to go through some of the things our friends are going through.  The sad part is it is going to happen.  Maybe your child will not get cancer, or you will not lose a job, or you will not lose a spouse unexpectedly.  But we all will face our trials no matter how big or small.  I think we will look back and think those little things I complained about all of the time were such a waste!  I can tell you our days are numbered.  I have had many moments that I thought I was on that very last day.  Last week at church Jake started gagging on the communion bread (with chemo a lot of things makes him sick.) I asked him what was wrong and he Said “Jesus body is stale.”  Yes it was funny, but the more I have thought about that the more I realize how true it is.  Do we let Jesus or the things we love become stale in our life?

Let me tell you a little story.  Most of you already know that I have a machine to keep my heart pumping until I can get a transplant.  I no longer have a pulse.  Literally, I do not have a pulse.  My machine pushes a constant flow of blood through my body. I have thought often of how fun it would be to go to emergency rooms and freak a lot of the nurses out when they took my vitals.  With my battery packs people already look at me like I am a bomber. I received an email a few weeks ago from a dear friend telling me she knew God had an amazing purpose for me.  She has been trying for a few years to get me to write funny stories.  At the end of her nice message was a post that said if you still have a pulse God has given you a purpose.  I laughed out loud!  I guess that means I was off of the hook.  At night I am hooked up to an electrical cord and during the day I walk around with batteries. We were ready to leave the other day and I was all ready to go.  Started walking out and was tugged back so hard.  No it was not a supernatural force jerking me back.   It was my electrical cord I was still hooked up to! I move pretty fast so it almost knocked me down.  Jeff laughed so hard that he doubled over and cried.  After I recovered from the whiplash, I started thinking what do I plug in to?  What brings me joy? At Bible study this week we were challenged to do something for someone else.  My husband Jeff is an amazing example of this.  He gives and gives.  I need to learn more from that example.  I am usually the one volunteering him to do the giving.  J  God has blessed him with that gift.  What gift has God blessed you with?  Maybe the best gift we can start with is pulling out our mirrors.  What problem in my life am I the common denominator in?  I have so many friends putting their dreams into actions for others.  My friend Maggie Pinque started what is called the glass house retreat.  She has women in to a place where they feel safe no matter where they are or what their beliefs are in their walk of life.  We all know I love to stamp.  My friend Ronda Wade started a project hope ministry that sends cards and prayers all over to people that need them.  Jake and I have been a recipient of many of these.  What is it that makes you want to get up in the morning?  Think about that today.  I had a friend who made a goal to not post one INSIGNIFICANT negative thing on any media outlet for a week.  I am not talking about big, life changing events.  I am talking about our daily complaining.  She also went as far as to not utter a negative comment out of her mouth.  She said when she did this she realized how many negative things she said to her children and husband.  I know that I can be guilty of this myself. I want to spend the days I have enjoying every minute.  I need to get out that mirror and see what I can do to add joy to those days.  Not just for myself, but also to others.   Well…….  I am stepping off of my soap box before anyone can run over and trip me off of it.  J