Soapbox Wednesday…….  I do not think I have had a soapbox Wednesday, so here we go.   Grab your beverage and settle in!  I am sure I can find a few things to poke fun at myself about.

A few weeks ago Jeff drove the semi to a competition for the marching band in Muncie.  Jake loves to go to these events.  So he tagged along.  They had to be to school at 5 in the morning and would not be home until after midnight.  So it was a long and very rainy day!  At 5:20 I get a call that Jeff forgot his cell phone.  At this point Jake was still in treatment and wore down pretty easy, so I went into a bit of a panic about being out of touch with them for that amount of time.  When the teen called me for Jeff I ran out the front door because they were just leaving the high school.  I had to run back in because I forgot my batteries and had to cover up.  Then I decided I better put contacts in because I am as blind as a bat.  I was in a hurry so just put in my right one.  I guess I decided it was ok if I could see one half of Rockville Road clearly.  After all I was only going a few miles to catch him.  The kids on the busses were calling me with their location.  I was always just a little bit behind.  Can you guess where I finally caught up with them?  At the Muncie exit!  Yes it was an hour and a half trip.  As soon as I caught him my panic went away.  He had a cell phone.  I could check on Jake.  All was well with the world, even if I was driving home in pouring down rain with the ability to see out of just one eye.  I would like to think that I panicked because I was worried about Jake wearing out of energy.  If I am honest it was probably more than that. 

We are in a world that we are connected all of the time!  I think modern technology is amazing!!!  I also feel like it often controls our lives.  I am not the savviest person when it comes to technology.  A few years ago I joined facebook.  I took a picture of myself and wanted to send it to my friend Angela.  So I took one of the photos that you see the kids do in the mirrors of their selves.  My message read “does it look like I had a rough night?”    I giggled as I sent it knowing I would get a pretty fast and humorous response.  I was brushing my teeth and heard my notifications on my phone start going crazy.  I had messages saying “Thanks for being real.” “You just made my morning.”  Guess what?  They were not from my friend Angela.  I had posted the picture to facebook!  Let me explain why this is such a big deal.  I was in a spotted leopard print gown that no one of my size should probably ever be caught wearing.  My hair looked like I had been charming snakes, and not everything hangs where it should in my older age.  I went flying down the stairs yelling at Makenzie “GTE IT OFF!  GET IT OFF!”  After she laughed because she did not know that I could still run, she removed the post for me.  I still have not lived that one down.  So that day I learned by a click of my finger I could post something to the entire world.  This time it was funny ( I did not think so then) …but I do not always think that is the case. 

What else has technology taught me?  I downloaded an app and know that I am not smarter than a 5^th grader.  I also learned that Web MD is not my friend.  That will be a story for another day.  I have been able to connect with friends I would have never seen again.    I am in love with twitter.  That is where I follow a lot of the Christian people that I admire and get a lot of inspiration to make it through the day.  So it has its up sides.  Let me share though from my experience of what I catch myself doing.  I have times that I will be at a stoplight and grab my phone and check for messages.  I might scroll through facebook.  What could possibly happen in that amount of time that I put my phone down? 

 The best one that I have been guilty of is making a post that I am out to a nice dinner with just my hubby.  Really?  If it is so nice and I am supposed to be spending time with him why am I posting on my phone?  I should be letting him know how happy I am to be spending time with just him.  Does the world really care if we are out to dinner together? 

Jake and I did a little experiment.  In one week we were flipped off three times while driving back and forth to treatment.  One time was completely my fault.  I was waving sorry as the person was driving by calling me every name in the book. Have you ever had someone behind you honk at a stoplight because you did not go before you even had a chance to put your foot on the accelerator? I think people are always on the edge and act like this because most of us do not really have any down time.  We are go..go…go…  We read what is going on in the world…and then go some more.  We are irritated and hateful and not kind to those around us, but will post what a great day we have had.  One day on the way home from Bloomington we counted in all of the cars that we passed, or that passed us, how many were on their phones or some type of device.  19 out of 30 were talking on their phone, reading their phones, or had it in their hands.  They were probably holding it to act like me at that next stoplight.  Stopping to check what I have missed in the last 10 minutes. 

I remember setting through a marriage class and it talked about the most damaging thing you could do in a marriage was have a TV in your bedroom.  It would keep you from spending time with each other or you would go to sleep watching a show.  I know we have been lying in bed both looking at our phones right before we go to sleep.  We are so busy reading the news, or filling our minds with more info that we don’t stop to talk about what is going on in our own life.  So I think that material needs to be updated to not bringing your telephone to bed with you. I am guilty of waking up in the morning and grabbing the phone before I even thank God for waking me up another day.  I do not know about you, but once I start reading I do not stop and I am caught up in the day.  I wonder if we ever really stop to live in the moment. 

I have had times when I have not answered so people would call my kids to see why I am not answering.  And then when they get me will say you were not answering your phone. I have done the same to my family.  I think we should all have a day where we mark our families unavailable. 

Technology is inevitable. I think it is amazing and zaps the life out of us at the same time.  If you have made it this far you are probably thinking how did I get sucked into this. Talk about a time zapper. I will never get those ten minutes of my life back.  J  I am working on being in the moment when it matters.  I read a devotional by Max Lucado today that said our days are already numbered by God.  It is so true.  What are we in such a rush to get to?  We will all cross the finish line when God appoints that time. 

You may be wondering, since I have really thought about this and am trying to work on it, would I do the same thing and chase Jeff down to Muncie with his cell phone.  Where are my car keys?  J  What can I say?  I am a work in progress!

Jake's Wish....  I wanted to give all of you an update on Jake's Make-A-Wish.  As many of you know, at the beginning of this cancer journey, we were told that Jake would qualify for a wish.  Even though we are grateful for such an amazing organization, these are not words that you ever want to hear.  The only words we wanted to hear is that your child is healed and healthy.  From day one he knew what he wanted to do.  Funny how God works and things change.  When he was first told about the possibility of a wish his automatic response was to go and spend a day with Karen Kingsbury, Kyle Kupecky and to hang out with Anthem Lights in Nashville.  In May of 2012 we attended a Karen Kingsbury family night where she spoke and Anthem Lights ( at this point Kyle Kupecky was still a band member) performed.  It changed his life.  He accepted Christ as his Savior.  So to him, hanging out with them is a wish come true.  Once he found out that he and Kyle have the same birthday there was no turning back.  This year Kyle sent out a message on twitter for his followers to send Jake a Happy 12th Birthday message.  Messages literally started pouring in from around the world.  That day Kyle went from being someone Jake would like to spend time with to Kyle being his long distance friend.  He often gets on my twitter while he is bored during chemo  just to send Kyle the same message that always says "hi from your friend jake."  I contacted Karen to tell her about Jake's wish.  Her response was that they would do anything to help make it come true.  That is just the type of amazing people they are.  Well, the time came last month to fill out our make a wish paperwork for the process.  We had attended our nephews baseball games at League of Miracles in Mooresville Indiana.  They are 14 year old twins boys with autism.  Attending one of these games would fill any ones heart to overflowing.  There are kids of all ages with disabilities.  Everyone gets a turn to bat and no one gets out.  Many of the kids are pushed around the bases by a helper in their wheelchairs.  We all cheer for each one.  One boy yells touch down as he comes across home plate ( keep in mind this is baseball) as he throws down his batting helmet and does his victory dance.  Another young man colors a picture of some type of animal each week and tapes it to himself.  One week he was a T-Rex.  Last week he was a penguin and had even made little feet for his shoes.  When I look at these kids I do not see a disability.  I look at them and see how God has crafted us all fearfully and wonderfully made.  Last month there was an announcement made of how much they had raised to build a rec center.  In this center will be bathrooms and basketball courts that the kids can play sports in all year round.  Jake asked Jeff how much that would cost so they looked it up in the website.  It was not discussed again.  Fast forward to make a wish calling us as part of the process.  We are just in the beginning paperwork stages.  The kids have choices.  To go somewhere, to receive something and one is to give.  Jake surprised us all by saying he wanted to give.  He wants his wish to be giving the kids at League of Miracles a rec center.  When asked why, he said " my disabilities can go away but these kids will have theirs all of their lives." So there we are.  I knew he was amazing but had no idea just how amazing! The kid smiles and jokes through treatments every day!  So our adventure begins.  Whether we can raise all of the funds through make a wish, or have to take additional avenues, we will make his wish come true.  When I think of his unselfishness, it reminds me of how Jesus wants us to be.  Jake could have anything.  He chose to give like Jesus would.  In the uncertainty of this world I think that these are the types of things that make God smile. He will get to see Karen Kingsbury, as we will be traveling to  her book signing in November.  Gods perfect timing as always.  In November I should be at 1A status on the heart transplant list and will be landlocked to Indiana in case I get the call.  I am including the link to a song that keeps coming to my mind.  It is called Thank you for giving to The Lord.  Many of the kids Jake wants to build this center for have mental disabilities and will never know anything more than they get to play basketball in the winter.  One will probably yell touchdown with every basket he makes when the courts are built.  I do know that one of these days Jake will get to hear just how proud God is of him for giving.  Stay tuned for updates.   

If you have all stayed with me this long, please take a few minutes to watch this video.  I am so thankful to so many who have gave.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFrdJ2V3r7Y

Soapbox Tuesday…….  As many of you have figured out, I have had a lot of time on my hands to “think.”  A few weeks ago I posted a picture of Jake and I.  Someone commented this is what love looks like.  That phrase has stuck in my head.  I do love Jake more than words can even possibly express.  We have been so blessed in our life to have love surround us each day.  For me I hear love in the laughter of our kids.  If you have not met our kids they are all hysterical.  God has blessed them with a sense of humor.  I am often the main focus of their jokes.  They are who they are because of all of the love from others that have poured in on them.  This coming Friday Jeff and I have been married for 19 years.  We laugh a lot.  Let me share with you a few stories.  Some are serious and some are silly.    On the serious side, Jeff has been there to hold my hand through everything!    He was there holding up our kids this past April when they were brought in to see me before I was put on a ventilator to try to keep me alive until I could get my heart pump.  He was there after surgery when there were bed pans and endless requests for help from me.  He never once complained, or at least not where I could hear him.  That’s what a smart man looks like!  But I will save that post for another day!  Let me move on before you get the impression that everything is always cheery and happy in our world.  When I woke up from surgery I was crazy for about a week.  I did and said some nutty things.  There are unfortunately witnesses to prove it.  I called Jeff and my Mom one night at 4 in the morning to see why they had put me into an insane asylum.  I was still on a ventilator and restrained because I was trying to pull it out. The vent was such a traumatic event in my life that I refer to this time like BC ( before Christ ) and AD ( after death).  Mine are BV (before vent) and AV (after vent.)  We will call this story DV ( during vent.)  I finally got through to Jeff and Charleen that I wanted a piece of paper.  I was going to write my message.  The first thing I did was sign my name.  Amy J. Anders.  I even had the period behind the J.  I guess I thought I might be famous one day and they would need my autograph.  In my mind what I was writing looked so clear.  After I felt well again they showed me the sheets.  It is a good thing that God knows my mind and my heart because even he himself could not have deciphered what those papers said!  I was having such a hard time that Jeff untied one of my hands without the nurse knowing so I could write better.  I was so mad that he could not understand my perfect writing that I slugged him.  He laughed and then cried as I wrote am I dying.  That’s all I wanted to know.  Even after I hit him ( I am sure I did not have enough strength for it to hurt ) he left my hands untied.  That is what love looks like.  He also knew he would have to live with me for many years to come and that was the wise thing to do.  He is 11 years older than I am so I might be picking his nursing home one day!  But bear with me.  After one of my many surgeries I was yelling to Jeff about something.  I am sure that it was in my naturally sweet voice.  He came to the door and said something that made me mad.  So I just tried to push around him.  He was not being mean, he was just in my way.  He said something and I turned around and slung my cup of lemonade at him.  Yes my cup hit the target.  I can still see what happened next in slow motion.  He had a button up shirt on and started pulling to take it off and the buttons started popping off.  Instead of Incredible Hulk I was standing with Incredible Jeff.  I swear that he even made a large roaring sound like a bear.  He swears he did not, but since this story is still alive in my head we are going with my roaring version.  As his buttons were popping I started laughing so hard that I fell onto the bed.  He did the same.  That is what love looks like.  Love loves someone even when they are being ugly.  And I spend more days than I should being ugly.  I was thinking back to some examples of love.  I thought of when Jeff served on a banquet team and was asked to be the head of kitchen.  He wanted his friend Jack Robbins to be on the team with him.  Jack was fighting a battle with cancer.  They made an extra spot so Jack could participate.  Jack did not have the energy to do much of the kitchen work.  I will tell you what Jack did do.  It is a memory forever etched in my mind.  Jack set at the table and polished every piece of the silverware that the guest would be eating with until it shined and wrapped them up nicely folded in a napkin.  He did this for every meal for three days.  The guests had no idea of what love and work went into those shiny pieces of silverware.  But God did!  Jack was a living example of what love looks like!  When he walked into the gates of heaven a few years ago I could see Jesus saying thanks so much for polishing that silverware.  Now you get to walk to your mansion on shiny streets of gold.  My examples of what love looks like are as major as Jesus dying on a cross for me all of the way down to someone paying for my order in front of me in line.  This world is filled with negative news and stories.  You might be the only person that God can use in a situation to show another person love.  I would love to hear about a person or action that you have experienced in your life to show you what love really looks like.  I am thankful to all of those who love us and give us the inspiration that we need to keep going forward in this storm that we are in.  I am most thankful for God and those that put up with me on my ugly days because that truly is WHAT LOVE LOOKS LIKE! 

WARNING……… This is going to be one of those long Amy is on her soapbox post.  So grab a cup of coffee and set for a while if you are so inclined to continue reading.  I have spent most of the night wide awake thinking of a young man that is fighting a horrible battle with cancer.  Reading his caring bridge made my heart hurt.  And we all know this is one large (literally) heart.  This year I have spent a lot of time examining myself and the things that are important to me.  It is amazing how things change.  I used to dream of the home we would have with our white picket fence, my kids who I would tuck in each night, the wonderful meals that I would have cooked when everyone set down at the table for dinner.  As I have grown older I realize that white picket fence is a lot of work and has to be painted.  Many nights instead of tucking someone in to bed we are yelling “I have told you ten times to get to sleep.  You are going to be so hard to get up in the morning!"  And who was I kidding about the meals.  I hate to cook!  Don’t get me wrong.  We have this God blessed amazing life.  It is just not the one that I pictured!  There are bills, and problems, and sickness and the list go on.  I have had way too many hours in the car these last few weeks.  So I have probably read every facebook post or blog ever typed.  I see so many things daily that make me sad.  We were able to listen to Robin Gunn speak last night.  She is an amazing Christian author.  She spoke about daring to dream.  From so many things I read we forget to live the life God made us for.  If you hate your job and cannot stand to get up every day find a new one.  I know that is often times easier said than done.  If you are having problems with every single person in your life you might need to pull out a mirror.  I do not mean that cruel.  I have had to do this many times over the years!  I often found that if I was having so many problems the problem was me.  I was the common denominator.  If your kids drive you crazy put them up for adoption.  KIDDING!  If your husband drives you crazy…… well, I have not found an answer for that one.  J  I told Jeff just this week he was lucky I loved him so much because I sure did not like him very much that day.  That is a day that he was probably wishing I would trip off of this soap box of mine and break my neck.  Or at the least lose a battery powering this heart.   That is a day I should have looked in the mirror because I was probably the common denominator.  I guess my point is (yes I actually had one in mind when I started this) is to live the life you dream.  That dream may change through the years or take a shape that you never imagined.  If you are miserable, and it is in your power, fix it.  I hope that anyone reading this never has to go through some of the things our friends are going through.  The sad part is it is going to happen.  Maybe your child will not get cancer, or you will not lose a job, or you will not lose a spouse unexpectedly.  But we all will face our trials no matter how big or small.  I think we will look back and think those little things I complained about all of the time were such a waste!  I can tell you our days are numbered.  I have had many moments that I thought I was on that very last day.  Last week at church Jake started gagging on the communion bread (with chemo a lot of things makes him sick.) I asked him what was wrong and he Said “Jesus body is stale.”  Yes it was funny, but the more I have thought about that the more I realize how true it is.  Do we let Jesus or the things we love become stale in our life?

Let me tell you a little story.  Most of you already know that I have a machine to keep my heart pumping until I can get a transplant.  I no longer have a pulse.  Literally, I do not have a pulse.  My machine pushes a constant flow of blood through my body. I have thought often of how fun it would be to go to emergency rooms and freak a lot of the nurses out when they took my vitals.  With my battery packs people already look at me like I am a bomber. I received an email a few weeks ago from a dear friend telling me she knew God had an amazing purpose for me.  She has been trying for a few years to get me to write funny stories.  At the end of her nice message was a post that said if you still have a pulse God has given you a purpose.  I laughed out loud!  I guess that means I was off of the hook.  At night I am hooked up to an electrical cord and during the day I walk around with batteries. We were ready to leave the other day and I was all ready to go.  Started walking out and was tugged back so hard.  No it was not a supernatural force jerking me back.   It was my electrical cord I was still hooked up to! I move pretty fast so it almost knocked me down.  Jeff laughed so hard that he doubled over and cried.  After I recovered from the whiplash, I started thinking what do I plug in to?  What brings me joy? At Bible study this week we were challenged to do something for someone else.  My husband Jeff is an amazing example of this.  He gives and gives.  I need to learn more from that example.  I am usually the one volunteering him to do the giving.  J  God has blessed him with that gift.  What gift has God blessed you with?  Maybe the best gift we can start with is pulling out our mirrors.  What problem in my life am I the common denominator in?  I have so many friends putting their dreams into actions for others.  My friend Maggie Pinque started what is called the glass house retreat.  She has women in to a place where they feel safe no matter where they are or what their beliefs are in their walk of life.  We all know I love to stamp.  My friend Ronda Wade started a project hope ministry that sends cards and prayers all over to people that need them.  Jake and I have been a recipient of many of these.  What is it that makes you want to get up in the morning?  Think about that today.  I had a friend who made a goal to not post one INSIGNIFICANT negative thing on any media outlet for a week.  I am not talking about big, life changing events.  I am talking about our daily complaining.  She also went as far as to not utter a negative comment out of her mouth.  She said when she did this she realized how many negative things she said to her children and husband.  I know that I can be guilty of this myself. I want to spend the days I have enjoying every minute.  I need to get out that mirror and see what I can do to add joy to those days.  Not just for myself, but also to others.   Well…….  I am stepping off of my soap box before anyone can run over and trip me off of it.  J